I really like the surgeon I put in charge of the biomedical part of my healing journey. Kari Rosenkrantz is tall, gorgeous, unflappable, and funny, and she came highly recommended by people John and I respect. My Pilates teacher, who had a lumpectomy and radiation a few years ago, shares my admiration. Betsy thinks Kari is a rock star, and I agree, especially when she strides into the examination room wearing 4 inch high heels (I’m hoping never to know first hand if she operates wearing these shoes).
Kari has been supportive from the very first, expressing her respect for Chinese medicine even while freely admitting she has no knowledge of anyone using it as the primary treatment for breast cancer. Her open mind seems to be a rarity in cancer care world.
I’m sure Kari knows that my complete recovery from cancer in the coming months will not end her career. Although I am not the first person to take the Chinese medicine route to treat cancer, there are precious few of us compared to all the others who opt for surgery, radiation treatment, and/or chemotherapy.
Why is this? Mostly because biomedical treatment of cancer seems to be the only option that doesn’t look like quackery–thanks in part, no doubt, to biomedicine’s focused campaign to discredit any practice that isn’t within its sphere of influence. Maybe there is a conspiracy to squash the competition so that the cancer centers (and Big Pharma) can rake in the big bucks, but, if there is, it’s taking place at a very high level. I’ve only experienced genuine concern and caring from the people I’ve dealt with at the cancer center. They sincerely believe they offer the best and only hope for their cancer patients. Still, I’m just one person opting out of the cancer center’s full array of services, so I pose no threat to anyone’s assumptions or jobs.
During the early weeks of this journey, as I underwent all kinds of diagnostic procedures, I also had a mandatory session with the cancer center’s social worker. She laid out a menu of the center’s services, ranging from gasoline vouchers, wig fittings, lessons in tying up head scarves, make-up tips, art therapy, yoga/tai chi/meditation classes, financial assistance, psychological counseling… Clearly, breast cancer patients at this center get excellent support at multiple levels. Instead of feeling supported and cared for, though, I felt the hidden message was “girl, you’re in big trouble now. We’re taking extra special care of you because your diagnosis is so very dire.” A fear-mongering fist in a pink velvet glove.
When Jeffrey Yuen teaches about treating cancer with classical Chinese medicine, he warns his students that fear creates the greatest barriers to successful healing.
First come the practitioner’s fear: Have I enough courage and confidence to keep the patient’s trust during all the phases of treatment, especially during the healing crisis? Are my skills and training adequate? What if I misinterpret the pulses and give the wrong treatment? What if I miss something? Will I harm this patient? Will the family sue me? Will the AMA or the American Cancer Society crush me?
The patient, too, has to overcome doubts and fears: Is this the right choice? Does this practitioner have the skills I need? Can I sustain my confidence in my choices for as long as I need to? How will I handle the final phase of treatment, when the tumors enlarge and possibly become painful, and the healing crisis may turn out to be prolonged and unpleasant? Can I afford the time and money for weekly treatments and herbs, possibly for several years?
Even when the patient feels strongly that Chinese medicine is the best way to go, her friends and loved ones need to be convinced. Few people have heard of successful cancer treatment using Chinese medicine, so there’s an understandable concern that the cancer patient is following an uncharted, unproven path. It’s very difficult for patients to constantly defend their choices to spouses, parents, children and friends whose fears make them question the patients’ judgment. Even casual acquaintances and total strangers feel free to tell cautionary tales of people dying of cancer for lack of “real” medical care. Without very strong inner resources to resist the concerns of the people they care about, cancer patients often yield to their family and friends’ fears and switch to Western biomedical treatment.
In my case, no one can suggest that I am under the spell of a charismatic charlatan who has clouded my thinking or preyed on my ignorance. I worked as a staff acupuncturist and herbalist for six years in a Boston AIDS clinic in the mid 1990’s, long before the so-called “cocktails” were around, and I know how effective this medicine was for our patients there. My knowledge and experience tell me I’ve chosen what’s best for me.
When deciding where to get classical Chinese medical treatment, I picked the clinicians at Jade Mountain Wellness in Burlington over other qualified practitioners because I liked the idea of a team. Brendan Kelly and his wife Liz Geran both took the same classes on cancer treatment that I had attended, and both were still studying Chinese herbalism, on a monthly basis, with Jeffrey Yuen. Brendan happened to answer the phone the day I called for the first appointment–I would have been fine seeing Liz instead. Because of the dearth of nearby colleagues trained in classical Chinese medicine to offer clinical supervision, I assumed that Brendan would consult with Jeffrey if need be. At the very least, Brendan has Liz to help him with any private fears and doubts he might feel from time to time, and I imagine they share ideas and experiences (and class notes?).
My family and friends support me now. In the early months I had to defend my choices to a few relatives and friends; I chose to stress Chinese medicine’s millenia of experience in treating “accumulations” and “fire toxins,” rather than make any case against biomedicine. John and Judi have supported me completely from the beginning. Whatever fears they may have they’ve kept to themselves.
John is a rock. When last June’s MRI showed that one of my tumors had grown significantly, he didn’t hesitate a second before saying,”That’s great news!” I have overheard John tell a couple of relatives that I wouldn’t be true to myself if I were to take any other path and that he respects that. John’s also an effective gatekeeper against those who feel compelled to share why they think I’m making a huge mistake. I know this isn’t easy for him. Even after 39 years of marriage, he still wants me around! We have made plans to travel to far-flung places after he retires, and he’s optimistic about that, except occasionally during the wee hours of the night. His health, which has always been the exemplary health of an athlete, has started to suffer in response to his stress and worry. Fortunately, he is able to reach out to others for sympathy and support when he needs it. A few “breast cancer husbands” have taken him under their wings (those dear angelic guys!). My children developed their own support networks. It does take a village, if not a small city, to manage this disease!
Any kind of cancer treatment is hard. Choosing the road less taken has special challenges. In many ways, it would be easier to step back on the cancer center’s conveyor belt and let the biomedical experts take charge. But surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy cannot alter the terrain that allowed the cancer to develop in the first place. This cancer diagnosis has given me the opportunity and the responsibility to examine the unfinished business of my life, to discover where unhealed wounds exist that I need to touch and make whole, and to teach my heart how to truly sing. I need peace and freedom to go inward as well as safety and guidance to process what I find.
My friends and loved ones give me sanctuary and listen to my ramblings without judgment. They also feed me when I’m too tired to cook, give me things to laugh about when I get down, sometimes weed my gardens, and keep me supplied with great reads when I need to take a mental vacation from this work. John provides the necessary financial support that gives me the luxury of time and acupuncture treatments and herbs (which are not covered by our health insurance–how ironic that the biomedicine route would be cheaper for us). How lucky I am! Thank you, all.